Afraid to ask, afraid to tell

I wonder if my presence lingered for you in the quiet moments.

You stayed with me at times.

Not a constant buzz, but a low background hum at baseline that grew louder and harder to ignore during transitory life phases – moving, job changes, breakups and burgeoning new relationships. Each a renewed silent goodbye, a new degree of separation from the time you felt like mine.

Passing landmarks we shared brought you to the forefront easily.

The park bench in the center of town down the street from our daylight ice cream turned evening cocktails. We sat there for hours talking, growing closer and getting a bit out of hand physically. In the dark, at 10pm – no one to see.

That bench prodded at my heart each time I drove by, lingering for a longer time that I’d like to admit.

It took me a while to silence the questions about what happened with you. The connection – so natural, steamy, and happy, yet deep – at least it was for me. You never gave away much verbally, but I could feel it on a soul level. Woman’s intuition at its best.

This was a true carefree summer almost love, and it haunts me to this day, 5 years later.